Happy!

You won't believe this, I can actually stay awake long enough for some good video to be taken of me. As usual, I am cute, but in this video I am cute and cuddly. It is a shame most of the world is not able to personally witness this cuteness, but I guess those of you who watch via the internet are lucky as well. So next time you see Al Gore, thank him for the internet. Now for the Cuteness:

Lunar Egg, Mine No More!

We here at Karsten' Blog (let's be honest, it's just me and my parental units) are always looking to take care of our readers, we got this request from Auntie Kirsten:

We are hereby requesting an equal posting of the other egg. It is decorated with a photo (taken by Mark himself) of the lunar eclipse visible on this side of the globe about one moon cycle ago. One mighty cold night, as we remember it.
Love,
Aunt Kirsten

O.k., here it is. I would have done it when I posted the other egg they sent me, but I was worried about distribution rights. You see Mark, Auntie Kirsten's Hubby, is a professional photog and a very talented one at that. And, by posting this on Blogger, he, and by extension I, lose our rights to this photo to Blogger. I was hoping to sell it to a photo service for some large dinero. So, here it is, and I encourage you all to steal this photo. There, I said it, I hope my blogger account is here tomorrow. (For best view, click on the photo.)

Up and At 'Um

Sorry for the delay. The power conpany has decided to take it upon themselves to lower every bodies power bill by shutting us off for 4 to 6 hours everyday. Thank God, it leaves me more time for things I enjoy, like sitting in the dark and crying.

Cute!

So, what do you think? Cute Huh?If you'd like a copy of the cutest baby picture ever, just leave a comment and my parents will send you a copy.

Thanks

Even though my lame, layabout parents haven't gotten around to it, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all thank you for everything that has been given and sent to me. I really like all of it and encourage you to send more. I take any and all gifts. I just like opening stuff to be perfectly honest. So, keep it coming, and I will remind my shiftless parents to get some thank you cards out very soon.

BIG!

What do Andre the Giant, William "The Refrigerator" Perry, Akebono, The Twins on the motorcycles in the Guinness Book, Gary Coleman, Dikembe Motumbo, and ME all have in common? Give Up? We are all are (or were) huge. Honestly, the Gary Coleman thing was just to throw you off, but if you think about it he was very popular in the 1980's. I went to the doctor today, and I broke the little sissy infant scale. They finally had to take me down to the harbor and put me on a cargo scale. Look how big I was a week ago! This is me with my valet Edita. Just to give you some scale, Edita is six and a half feet tall and weights well over 300 pounds. I am growing so fast Dad had to get a wheel barrow from Guadong Hardware, a papasan chair cushion from Taro Sue, and a beach umbrella from Kevin's just to cobble something together to haul me around in. At this rate, I will have to hop a C-130 just to visit this summer. Awesome!

Editor's (Mom) Note: He was really just over 12 pounds and just a smigin' under 24 inches.

Old or just bad lighting?

Is this a new picture, or is it from the 1970's?
Please comment your opinions in the COMMENT section below.

Finally!

I got an egg! Yes, Kirsten and Mark sent me an egg. Just when I had lost hope that somebody would remember me besides my deadbeat parents. Isn't it lovely. I think that Kirsten and Mark are the greatest people in the world. I will need to come see them. Maybe I can shake some of my connections and we can get tickets to the Brickyard 400. After all, what says family bonding like a day at a Nascar race.

Hasenpfeffer!

The Oschter Haws skipped me today. I'm Mad! No candy, no colored eggs, not even any of that janky plastic grass. Nothing! What German rabbits can't swim? Next year, if that fuzzy rodent comes around I'll be ready with Opa provided slingshot in hand to get what I got comin' to me, two years worth of goodies. That rabbit better have it to or it's hasenpfeffer with him!

Holey Saturday!

It's Holey Saturday on Saipan! The day everybody gets out all the clothes the public water has ruined because it contains way to much chlorine and leaves them on the steps of the governors building. Here is a good example taken at the laundry mat. This poor lady said this shirt was under a year old, poor t-shirt. I guess its good reason to get a rain water catch huh?

In other news, I am so jazzed about the NCAA tournament, I have joined an under three feet b-ball league. At two feet tall now, I am a power forward, But next year, I am looking at being a post player. I am learning a lot, my teamates have mad skills. I just wish those three and a half feet guys would stop trying to cheat thier way into our league.

You betcha' its a Good Friday!

O.k., I bet your wondering why I am weighing in on the topic of religion. As I have learned in my month on this planet, few things are more divisive than religion and politics, that is why I am avoiding them (for the most part). I want to talk about why I think that this Friday is so good, the NCAA Men's College Basketball Championships. Yep, it's that time of year again where we as a nation can forget about the horrible treatment of an innocent population by an occupying army in the Middle East (The Roman 2000 years ago, not the American today you thin skinned, really stupid Bush supporters!). So, forget all your cares and watch some kids who worked hard all season lay it out for a week or two. And, if you get a few this solemn weekend while your watching some great kids play ball, remember the kids who are fighting a war to keep Exxon and Haliburton stockholders rich. Maybe drop a prayer to whoever to keep them safe.

BTW- I promise to do a better job of avoiding these subjects in the future!

Juan the Shaman

Today, while my parents were working, I went to see the neighborhood Shaman. His name is..... well, lets just say Juan. I went to see him today so that he could keep me safe from all of the spirits roaming the island. Needless to say, there are a lot. I might well have gotten that protection, but the dumb dog decided to bark at the poor guy, causing him to mess up his carving. Needless to say I didn't get my protection. And, I'm pretty sure he put a curse on the dog. Oh well, at least I got one good thing out of the trip.

Pretty new flowers

Well, the orchids my parents thought were never going to bloom opened today. Amazing! As I have said in the past, I like pretty flowers. I like to touch. I like to smell. Now, before you get a lippy about my preference for things that are pretty, remember yesterdays blog! I am as strong as an ox, and I would be more than happy to show you how true that is, if I wasn't a peace lovin' baby.

I'm Stronger than an Ox

Interesting Baby Facts ... Strange but True
* A baby is born every seven seconds.
* Babies are born with very poor vision but can recognize their mothers almost right away.
* Babies are always born with blue eyes, within a few moments of delivery their eye color can change.
* Babies are born with swimming abilities and can naturally hold their breath. However, they shortly lose this instinct.
* Newborns usually double their weight by six months.
* Playing classical music will increase a baby's intelligence.
* Reading to your child at ANY age will increase their knowledge.
* Babies and toddlers are, pound for pound, stronger than oxen. This is especially true of their legs.
* Babies are born without kneecaps.
* The human body is better suited for two four-hour sleep cycles than one eight-hour one.
* You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.... talk about a lot of celebrating.

Rites of Spring!

It's spring on Saipan and everything is in bloom (maybe some pic's tomorrow). At our house, even Mom is into the spirit with a little spring cleaning. From what I understand, she takes the garbage out at least 4 times a year. I have to say, that shows a lot of dedication on her part. Dad says that her trips to the garbage can have nearly doubled since they have been married, and at this rate I should only have to take out the garbage 28 days of the month.

Golden Slumbers

I have posted another video of me sleeping. "Why?" you may ask. A simple reason. I found another Beatles song with a sleeping theme. Do you think that they were really tired or what? Also, I am just so cute. So for you troglodytes out there who think two videos of me sleeping is too much, don't push play-

Why the dog is better than ME! As if!

I fake sleep a lot. It gives me a chance to hear others talking about me. Usually, it is very mundane things such as, "Oh, he is so cute", "Karsten is the best baby ever, I never realized how ugly most children were until I saw Karsten" or "I hope my children have babies as cute as Karsten, or there will be no reason to go to the mainland to see them". Things like that you know, obvious observations of the truth. But yesterday, I caught Father in an act nothing short of heresy. For some unknown and most likely psychotic reason, he launches into this list of why 'The Dog" is better than ME! Here is the list. May God have mercy on his soul:

1) The Dog was free.
2) The Dog is almost silent, has never cried, and barely barks.

3) The Dog uses the toilet on the neighbors yard, no cleanup at all.
4) The Dog could walk and play from the minute we got her.
5) The Dog can do all sorts of tricks with little to no training.
6) The Dog can expel its gas unassisted.
7) The Dog only goes to the vet once a year
8) The Dog eats only twice a day, and her food comes in a fifty pound bag you only need to buy once every two months.
9) The Dog protects the house with nothing more than a fierce bark, nobody has ever been more than annoyed by a baby crying.
10) The Dog will never ask for money, EVER! No allowance, no car, no college, nothing.

Bringin Home The Bacon, and other things I may want when I can eat solid foods.

This video is in response to a request from my cousins Alexander and Ethan. It shows where my 'Rents work, Kagman Elementary School. Now remember, you can request anything you'd like on the blog. However, you may not see it in a timely fashion, the boys made their request weeks ago.

True Genius

Did you hear about this 17 month old in Texas that can read? It is all the news in Texas. BIG DEAL! I was writing this blog before I was born. Do you have any idea how hard it is to type through the wall of an abdomen? Oh, she can read sentences! So What! I can write pithy blog post every day! Can she compose a sentence? Does she have any idea about grammar and sentence structure? I don't think so! I'm so mad, I'm going to write that girl a letter. I'd better use small words so she can read it. However, I am glad to know my parents aren't parading me in front of the media like a circus freak for my genius.

Parental Expectations

Hello out there!

Today, I did some very interesting math. If I continue at my current rate of growth, I will be over 12 feet tall and weigh in at around 600 pounds. Isn't that cool! Mommy said that I need to think about a career in professional sports, just for the food bill. Dad says that sports are intended to be a pastime, and that contributing to the nations obsessive need for juvenile diversions is unethical, even if I am 12 feet tall and could make a very easy living playing a child's game. I think there is a compromise here. Playing a sport should not take all of my time. I'll just do it for the money. With all of the extra time I will have, I can paint, write, or play music. I just don't know how to break it to Mom I am not simply a jock.

Flowers, a very MANLY plant

I like orchids! Who would have thought, me, Mr. Testosterone, would be into a flower. But, when my Dad takes me outside to look at them, I can't take my eyes off of them. Oh sure, I enjoy plumeria or a hibiscus, but orchids are where it's at. I could stare at them for hours and not be bored. I really hope the world is filled with such things. Because if it is, I will really enjoy myself!

Night Shift

Working is hard, at least when your doing it on 3 hours of sleep, or that is what my dad tells me. I have decided to become nocturnal. I'm not sure why, the idea just appealed to me. And, so I won't be alone, I keep Dad up for company. I don't actually want to do anything, just look around all night. I think is is an idea who's time has come, don't you?

Bad Parenting

Since 1964, the Surgeon General's office has required a warning label be posted on packs of cigarettes to warn consumers to the dangers of smoking. Today, I call for a warning sticker to be posted on the foreheads of all idiot parents, just so we babies know. For example, my father is wearing this I luv Pugua shirt. What an idiot! For those of you not familiar with this vial habit, pugua (otherwise known as beetlenut) is a nut, similar to a coconut in may ways, but much smaller (about the size of of a quarter) and no milk. What you do with it is cut it open, fill it with tobacco and lime then roll it in a leaf and chew it. The result being a slight euphoria and an oh so pleasant orange spit that stains anything it touches. For those of you familiar with Rogers and Hammerstein musicals, you might recognize Beetlenut for the song Bloody Mary. For those of you not familiar, press play below:

And my father is pushing this habit. I swear, I am amazed we come from the same genetic material sometimes. Well, at least I got to post a show tune.

3 week growth spurt

I finally got my three week growth spurt. I can't believe how big I have gotten. Everybody says, "Wow, your bigger." Yes, I am, thank you for noticing. I have already grown out of all my original clothing and have moved on to bigger wear. I am also eating A LOT more, so mom stays pretty busy. Other than that, I am every content. I don't like the dog sniffing me all the time, but that will all change when I am bigger than she is, which by my estimation should happen sometime late next week.

Sunset, Attempt Two

This was originally to be on the blog with Opa and Oma's departure, but my staff had some problems with you tube. So, here it is today, at long last, the Saipan Sunset. It is nothing fancy, it has no music of title cards, just a beachside sunset. So, if you have a few (about 6 and 1/2), hit play and watch what we take for granted so often.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

I have been invaded by THRUSH ( Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity). Thank god for the agents from U.N.C.L.E. I am told that my THRUSH invasion should come to an end every soon, thanks to them. BTW, isn't my Dad a huge nerd. This show hasn't been on the air for like 40 years. I've heard of obscure references but this is ridiculous.

Empty Recliner.

The grands are gone, and the house seems very empty without them. I miss being held non stop. Mom and Dad miss the meals out. But for whatever reason, we miss them. Not to fear though, we will are going to see them in 13 weeks. But, for me that is like 4 lifetimes. I don't know if I can wait that long! I get to take a plane trip. And I get to go to Japan and Motown. It will be good. But first, I need to grow some more and decide on a hair color. BTW, for those of you who have read this far, this is not my house. I could be my house, if Dad wasn't so cheap!

Sunset Drive

Today was the sunset of Oma and Opa's visit. I think they had a good time visiting me. I know I enjoyed them being here. They are very nice people. I can't wait to see them this summer. We thought it would be a very nice way to conclude things to go out at sunset and see the sun set. It was very nice, not to hot. I don't think Opa and Oma are ready to go, but real life calls.

Have You Seen These People?

Our life of international crime begins. I can't believe it, but we are already wanted by the FBI and Interpol. Awesome! We're like the Jacksons or the Osmonds, but of crime! No, just kidding, if any of our friends at Homeland Security are reading. I had to get a passport photo, so my parents decided to get photos as well to turn into the school system. I have to admit, I am a handsome fellow. As for the other two, well, even The David was carved from a big, ugly rock. In other news, Opa and Oma are moving to Saipan! Opa's enthusiasm for the island has gotten him a job as a Hafa Adai Greeter at the Airport and Oma will be working at a pandanas weaving factory, as a basket tester. They have already found a house on Navy hill and have bought matching pink scooters. Opa also said to remind everybody that his oceanfront property in Warrenton is also for sale, and that all offers would be considered. I hope everybody will comment and congratulate them on the big move.

Livin the good life!

Today, I got to go on the trip (thanks Auntie Karen). We all went to the Pacific Island Club. My rents and grands had an excellent meal. I got milk. Then, we had use of the facilities. They had a lazy river, wave riding, lap pool, climbing wall, hot tubs, cold tubs, ex cetera, ex cetera, ex cetera. All we used were the loungers on the beach, these people are borrrring. I could have been kayaking or sailing on a hobie, but I was surfing my car seat. I can't wait until I can move myself. I will be para sailing before the end of the year. Believe it. Now, if you want to watch a very uneventful video, watch this. And pay special attention to the end, you will see what is sure to be a string of my ladies from all over the world; the first being from Korea. Not Bad!

Monsieur Fussiepants' Blog

Bonjour,
I am told by the staff here that I am to write this blooggg. I will have you know, I am doing this under protest, as I do everything. I am Monsieur Fussiepants, and I am thee French. I do not like anything. I do not like hugs, cuddling, singing, or especially being called this Karsten! Who is this bébé allemand? I do not like him! And I will have you know, I am not to fond of you either! So, if you see me, step to the opposite side of the rue, as I will châtiez you.
Au revoir,
Tatillon Fussiepants