Monday, December 31, 2007

Bang went the Holidays!

Well, some of you have been wondering, how loud is it in Saipan or are they just complaining to much. Well, I had the staff at Karsten2008 go out and buy a Saipan Firecracker just so you, the viewing public, can see what we are talking about. Now, this is not something that shoots nice colors into the air. NO, it is ONE FIRECRACKER! Even in the womb, I hear these minature monuments to stupidity going off until it is time for kids to go to bed, and sometimes after. WEll, it seems even the local legistalure is sick of all the noise. You can read the story from the paper below


Saipan Tribune
Better late than never for fireworks bill
Saturday, December 29, 2007

A ban on setting off firecrackers is finally moving in the Legislature, amid widespread complaints of nuisance, injuries, and property damage.The House of Representatives passed yesterday House Bill 15-205, banning the sale and random use of fireworks and firecrackers.The bill is headed to the Senate. But it may not be in effect long after the holiday season, when fireworks use normally peaks.H.B. 15-205 would make it illegal to sell roadside vending of fireworks or firecrackers. It would also prohibit the use of fireworks unless supervised by the government or authorized by the Fire Chief.Violators would face $500 to $1,500 fine, or up to one year in prison.The proposed penalties are a significant increase from the $25 fine and the 10-day imprisonment provided by existing law.House Bill 15-205, as currently drafted, is a combination of two fireworks control measures that have been sitting in the Lower House for a year now. The original bills were introduced in December 2006 and had been pending in the House Committee on Health, Education, and Welfare.On Dec. 18, 2007, the committee finally reported out the bill, allowing for a vote by the full House.“Despite current law, fireworks and firecrackers have become uncontrollable. It has reached a point that [it] is not only a safety concern, but also a nuisance and disturbance to the peace and enjoyment of the general public. [We find] that a broader prohibition on fireworks is necessary in the interest of public health and safety and for the promotion of a strong tourism industry,” the committee said.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Fish Tank Fiasco

Well, for those of you who don't know, which would be just about everybody that is reading this, we have been having some problems with our fish tank (see Dec 2nd-My Fish Tank...). It seems that it has a little leak. And, this little leak has been causing us some huge problems. Our poor fish have been moved over and over again in and out of the tank as we try to track down the problem with the tank. And, just when my parents think they have it, it starts to leak a few days later. Now, one might ask, why not just buy a new tank. Well, for two reasons. One, its hard to find a fish tank that looks as if it came out of a island themed restaurant. Second, my parents are CHEAP! So, hopefully they can figure this out before I occupy that room. I won't tolerate sub-standard decor.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Karsten vs. The Waves

Today, my parents took Hailey swimming. Yep that's right, not me, the dog. These people really need a child. I'm glad I'm coming for nothing more than for their sakes. Anyway, we all went swimming today and the ways were tremendous, at least 1 to 2 feet tall. But, don't worry folks out in cyberland, I came through with flying colors. I can't say the same about the dog, the dog just won't swim if there is even a hint of a ripple on the water. Silly dog, I will have to pull on its ears when I come out.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Boonie Peppers & Recipes


Well, the holiday's are winding down! Mom and Dad tell me they have put away the tree and put all the Christmas cards through the shredder. As New Years approaches, we here at Karsten2008 thought we might share some local recipes with you to spice up your holidays.

To create these wonderfully Micronesian treats, one needs the lowly bird pepper, or boonie pepper as they are known in Micronesia. Their are two types, the red and the green, both are hot as July and will make that 2 second operation of opening your water bottle seem like a 4 seconds. They can be found growing wild in many places on Saipan. On the mainland, they are often sold in Mexican markets and sometimes general supermarkets as piquin peppers. I imagine my Uncle Matt's supermarket sells them, just ask him. So, as promised, here are a few recipes for the small but mighty boonie pepper.
Boonie Pepper Chicken

Ingredients:
1 small chicken, cleaned and quartered
1 cup carrots, julienned
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
1 medium or large onion, cut in medium chunks
¼ teaspoon ground white pepper
½ teaspoon ground black pepper
3 Tablespoons soy sauce
9 Boonie Peppers, capped & split lengthwise
1 small cabbage cut in 6 or 8 wedges
cooked white rice (or long grain & wild rice if preferred)
Instructions:
Clean and quarter the chicken. Place the chicken pieces in an 8-quart pot and add just enough water to cover the chicken, about 4 quarts. Add salt and heat the water up to a light boil.
Add chunks of onion, black pepper, and split boonie peppers. Then add carrots, Italian seasoning, white pepper, and soy sauce. Cover the pot and allow the contents to simmer over medium heat for about 70 minutes. Add the cabbage wedges and continue simmering (covered) for another 10 minutes, or until the chicken is fully cooked. Serve chicken and vegetables over white rice. Season the rice with a bit of the stock and additional soy as desired.
Saipan Red Rice
Ingredients:
2 tablespoons achote seeds (available in Mexican markets)
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 cup chopped onions
4 boonie peppers, minced
1 cup white rice
2 cups water
Instructions:
Soak the achote seeds in 1/2 cup warm water for 30 minutes. Add the salt to the mixture and press the achote seeds to get color. Strain the liquid into a bowl. Heat the oil in a pan and saute the onions until soft, about 4 minutes. Add the peppers and saute for 1 more minute.
Rinse the rice under cold water until the water runs clear. Add the strained achiote liquid to the two cups of water in a pan, and bring to a boil. Add the rice and cover. Reduce the heat to medium and cook for 5 minutes. Reduce the heat to low and cook for 15 minutes.

Dancin to the sweet sounds of...

Baby, Baby, Baby Stay! Wow, I don't know who this Frankie Valli is, but this little girl sure does have a high voice. Her voice is so high I can make out every word inside here. And, I start to dance every time I hear her voice. I am looking forward to hearing a lot more of the Four Seasons. My Dad told my Mom this song is over 40 years old, I wonder what this girl sounds like now?

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Wild Poinsettias

For Christmas, my parents went on a wild poinsettia hunt. Wild poinsettias as you can see are not the same thing as one would buy at the greenhouse. Only a part of the poinsettia leaves are actually red. But, they are still pretty. Hopefully, they can keep them alive for next year so I can see them. Now, you may wonder where one would find such a plant. Well, it might or might not have been on............... Well, if you e-mail me at kuhl2008@gmail.com, and I recognize the address, I may just tell you where they got them from. I would love to tell you, but my editor (Dad) is convinced the Bush's Department of Homeland Fascism will bring down, as he puts it, "The Heat". Anyway, Merry Christmas to all my family and friends and any government employees who might be reading this.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Getting Ready to Move.


It seems that my landlord has been trying to evict me lately? I implore you, for the love of Pete!

However, the staff here at Karsten's Blog assured me that my lease will be good for at least the next 7 weeks. It seems that my accommodations are just being prepared for my eventual departure. Apparently, Braxton Hicks Contractors has been hired for the job! To the left is a portrait of the founder of the company. I love the porkchops! For those of you not familiar with that outfit, here is a prospectus of the company.


Braxton Hicks Contractions
You may have heard this funny phrase before you were pregnant, but now you really want to know what it means. It all started in 1872 when an English doctor, John Braxton Hicks, described the contractions that occur before real labor. Can you imagine constantly thinking,"This must be it," and then it wasn't. Doctors and pregnant women have Dr. Hicks to thank for clearing up all the confusion. The following information will help you determine when you are having “the real thing” or Braxton Hicks contractions.

What are Braxton Hicks contractions?
Braxton Hicks contractions can begin as early as the second trimester, however they are most common in the third trimester. The muscles of your uterus tighten for approximately 30 to 60 seconds or as long as 2 minutes. Braxton Hicks are also called “practice contractions” because they will prepare you for the real thing and you can practice the breathing exercises you are learning in your childbirth classes.

Braxton Hicks are described as:
Irregular in intensity
Infrequent
Unpredictable
Non-rhythmic
More uncomfortable than painful
They do not increase in intensity, or frequency
They taper off and then disappear altogether
If your contractions are easing up in any way, they are most likely Braxton Hicks.

What causes Braxton Hicks contractions?
There are a few speculations for why women have these contractions. Some physicians and midwives think they may play a part in toning the uterine muscle and promoting the flow of blood to the placenta. They are not believed to have any connection with dilating the cervix, but may have some effect on the softening of the cervix. However, as Braxton Hicks contractions become more intense closer to the time of delivery, the contractions are considerd false labor, which can help in the dilation and effacement process.

What triggers Braxton Hicks contractions?
The following are triggers of Braxton Hicks:
When you or the baby are very active
If someone touches your belly
When your bladder is full
Dehydration

What can I do to alleviate Braxton Hicks contractions?
Change positions; lie down if you have been standing or go for a walk if you have been sitting or laying
Take a warm bath for 30 minutes or less
Drink a couple of glasses of water, because contractions may be brought on by dehydration
Drink a warm cup of herbal tea or milk
If doing any of these does not alleviate your contractions, you should contact your health care provider.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Sweeney Sisters

Merry Christmas to you all! Hope you are having the best of holidays. Today, my Dad let me in on a little piece of his Christmas past, he played me this clip. It sounds funny, I can't wait to see it. It's quite popular in the Uhl Family. Don't worry when you first start playing it, the first 12 seconds are kind of jumbled. I just hope Youtube loses it before Aunt Maggie asks me to sing it!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Star Fruit and The Season of Joy

What do you get when you combine the taste of a pear, apple and grape? How would I know, I'm a fetus! But, my staff tells me that if you are experiencing this, you might be eating a star fruit. The star fruit is very popular here in the Pacific. Many of you may associate this fruit just with the Christmas story. For those of you who have been living in a closet, here is the story of the story of the first Christmas:

It was in the time of Emperor Dwight Eisenhower, a decree went forth that a census be taken of all the world. So, a young couple named Maria and Tony loaded their rambler and left their home in the upper west side of New York and set out for Tony's ancestral home of Puerto Rico. At this time, Maria was with child. When they arrived in San Juan, they found no room at the Inn, so they just went to Tony's parents house. It was at this time Maria declared, "Estallaré." And unto this world came a child, Heyyouse, or something like that. Anyway, outside the home, Steve Nick and his band of merry makers; Riff, Bernardo, Doc, Ice, Action, A-rab, Baby John, Snowboy, Tiger, and Joyboy were walking by after attending a late night dance and knife show. They were following the neon star that glowed from the Caribbean House of Pancakes (CHOP) sign that was on the main floor of Tony's parents building. When they heard the cries of Heyyouse, they all threw toys they won at the dance through the window. Seeing the toys and not knowing where they came from, Maria declared, "Cristo, su un miricle, pero quieren más!" Of course, over the years that magical phrase has been shortened to Christmas. And, Steve Nick's name has been shortened to St. Nick (I don't think S T is a good abbreviation for Steve, but you can't fight tradition. And, of course, Steve now just leaves the presents under the tree everybody has in their living rooms.

Now, just to be fair, I might of confused some of this story my father was telling me with a movie my Mom was watching called..... Well, I don't know what it was called, but I know once your a Jet, your a Jet and that's it!

Merry Christmas

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Smokey Robinson


I Love Smokey! After Mommy, he is my favorite singer in the world. Granted, he is the only other singer I have ever heard with any clarity, my parents are stingy with the tunes. But, today I heard Smokey sing, and it was like a violin. Who would have guessed?!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

They're coming, They're coming

Big, Big News! It seems that Opa and Oma Lewis are coming to see me in February! Isn't that grand! They must really love me to travel half way around the world to see me. They will be making quite the epic journey. It all starts out, in from what I can tell is the center of the universe, Wright City, Mo. Formerly the home of world famous attractions Big Boys restaurant and The Elvis is Alive Museum (I guess he really is dead now), Wright City continues to grow despite losing its two most famous landmarks. Maybe Saipan could learn a lesson or two from the jewel of Interstate 70 between St. Charles and Columbia.

Next, their trip will take them to the Capital of the middle Midwest between Minneapolis, Chicago, and Kansas City; St.Louis. They will fly out Lindbergh Airport, named for the famous aviator Chuck Yeager. After leaving St. Louis, they will head for the Motor City, that's right Detroit, MI : MOTOWN. Home to such legendary acts as The Supremes, The Temptations and the master of Funk; Rick James. Unfortunately, Mr. James will not be appearing at an Indian Casino near you like the other acts any time soon. Rick James is dead. Now that's Superfreaky.

After the home of the Big 3, Opa and Oma will be taking the trans Alaskan route to Nagoya, Japan. Now, it took a lot of research for my staff at Karsten2008 to be able to say something brusque about Nagoya, But after weeks of research, here it is. Nagoya is "famous" for two things. One, it is the 4th largest city in Japan at 2.4 million people. WOW, that's like twice as many than live on Saipan, ney! Two, it is the home port of the Toyota corporation. Now, for those loyal Americans out there who have never heard of Toyota, it is a little car manufacturing company from Japan. It's not American owned or anything!? None of my readers, loyal Americans and foreigners loyal to the US all I'm sure,would ever skip over the high quality products of GM, Ford and .... well those two American companies to buy a Japanese car (Please note, at the time of the publishing of this blog, Yugo's buyout of Ford was still in the works, and America may only have one car company left). But, if you have, here is where your Judas, Benedict Arnold, traitor, turncoat, backstabbing car came from!

Finally, they will arrive here on the island of Saipan. The Jewel of the American Pacific not including the Hawaiian Islands, American Samoa, The Freely Associated States, or any other Mariana Island. Here they will enjoy all that the second world has to offer, including periodic power outages, non potable water, various forms of pidgin (unfortunately, not the bird). I can't wait, PLEASE HURRY OPA & OMA

Friday, December 21, 2007

Not Boonie enough I guess!

This is kind of old, but my Dad just saw it for the first time today. It is the Saipan Booniest Dogshow. It was supposed to be a competition to see which dog was the Booniest on island. My Dad is at the very beginning of the clip wearing a black t shirt with my worthless, non winning boonie dog "sister" Hailey. Now, if your wondering what a boonie dog is, it is a dog that is in some part a desendant of the dogs the Chamorrro people brought over to the island 4000 years ago (for food). I guess my "sister" isn't so bad, she is one of the dogs was smart enough not to be eaten.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Island style lesson

How ya all doin? Just thought I would kick it island style in the womb and let you watch a video. Peace!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Hibiscusi, Hibiscuses who knows?


If you cut a rose, two more grow. That is an old english saying according to my Mom. But, if you cut a Hibicus, 10 more grow. They are amazing and they are very pretty. The whole house and yard are filled with them. And, they best part is, they bloom all the time. They are a wonder flower!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

We Love Taco Bell


Taco Bell has come to Saipan! It has been the
underground rumor for years, but that glorious
day is finally here. I hope my Mom goes a lot.
I can't think of anything that would help me grow
into a fine human being faster than a Mexican Pizza
or a Steak Gordita! Yumm, I can taste the greazy
goodness now! BTW, the flaming gas is just for you Ethan!

Bang Goes the Holiday!

Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop! Its warm, its slightly rundown, and it sounds like sporadic gunfire after dark. No, its not a banana republic in rebellion, its Christmas on Saipan. about every 10 feet somebody is selling fireworks out of a 20 foot container (for you math geniuses, this will work if you put all the containers perpendicular to the road). When asked why fireworks for Christmas, my Dad was given lots of cornball answers such as Asian traditional new year yada, yada, yada. But, finally an older local man gave the most succinct answer, "Why Not, they're cheap and fun!" Yeah, absolutely! I can't wait until I can get my hands on some of these.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Don't Ride in the Back!


My aunt Beth sent my Dad an e-mail today listing the attrocities committed against people of their age by thier parents. He was just agreeing and laughing. But I couldn't believe it! Here are some examples from the list.

Their mothers took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

They were put to sleep on thier tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

They had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when they rode our bikes, they had no helmets.

As infants & children, they would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Kids rode in the back of trucks regularly!
Wow, good thing people have gotten a clue in the past 30 years. I want to LIVE!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Gummi Madness


Two weeks ago, my parents went to Costco. My Dad saw a 5 pound bag of gummi bears and asked my mom,"Do you want these, they are chalked full of Vitamin C (yeah, who knew!)." My Mom said,"No, I can't possibly eat all of those." Fast forward to today, my parents were back in Costco and my Mom walks up to my dad and says," I should get these to snack on at school, they are filled with Vitamin C." To which my Dad responded,"I asked you if you wanted those two weeks ago." "I know" said Mom," but it didn't seem like such a good idea when you said it." I tell you what, this whole Gummi Bear issue is treated so apathetically I find myself horrified! Do they care nothing about the depopulation of Gummi Bears from the Black Forest! If they are selling them in 5 pond bags, there will be nothing left for my generation!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Throwing like a girl!


At softball practice today, my Dad made a throw that was to say, not the most athletic! I heard the jibe from all the way across the field and through the uterus, "You throw like a girl, ney!" Boy I hope so, because if its father like son, I'm that much closer to being President!

(BTW- that 97 is HUGE, I want to be that big)

Friday, December 14, 2007

Beware the Taotaomona

My Mom really stinks! Every time she goes out at night, she has to put perfume on her belly! According to local legend, if a women goes out at night and doesn't hide the scent of her pregnancy, the Taotaomona (Dark Ancestor Spirits) will get you. So, while I consider myself an enlightened fetus, I say,"Bring on the Chanel!"To learn more about the Taotaomona, click on the bottom of the page.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Its all about layers!


Last night it got down to a friged 75 degrees. And, due to the lack of heaters on the island ( well, the hardware store does have one, but they can't find it in the warehouse) there was nothing left to do but go to the beach and try to warm up by bar-b-queing. As explained by a local to my parents, to survive a cold snap, you should actually put on a shirt, and not just a tank top, one with sleeves, like they sell at the garment factory stores, then you will be OK

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Middle Names?


So, what do you think? Should my middle name be after the first Emperor of Rome, or a fictional tank engine? All comments are welcome.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Pull my finger!


Mom is making a lot more music with her rear these days. It is like a symphony some days. Dad says the bigger the horn, the louder the sound. I don't know if thats true, but it does give off some Good Vibrations!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

GUM, but none being handed out



This is Guam International Airport, or, the worlds longest concourse. My Mom had to walk at least, no kidding, half a mile from the security check to the gate. Odd, when you consider we we the only plane taking off for 4 hours. I didn't like all the moving, I kicked her to let her know my disapproval.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Biggest K


My parents bought some sub-standard products today that have something in common with stuff I will leave in my diapers at the Worlds Largest K-Mart on Guam. Yep, thats right, a 120 mile trip for K-Mart. Sometimes, I have no idea why they live on Saipan

Friday, December 7, 2007

Goin to Guam

Well, the family picked up and went to Guam this weekend. I think they are buying things for me, but I'm not really sure, I am rarely given a play by play.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Head over Heels, A Uteral Odyssey


Well, somehow I flipped and I am now going to come out head first. Well, there goes my plan to come out rear first so the world could kiss my.... Well, you get the idea.
BTW, I'm very handsome, aren't I

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Three Wise Men!

Tis the Season, and I was visited by three wise men. I think the guy in the middle said his name was Larry and his brothers name was Darryl. I didn't catch the name of the other brother. They said they were lead to Saipan by a shipment of Spam going west. I don't know what that means, I don't read much about symbolism in the womb and all my Mom reads out loud is the Left Behind series. Oh well, at least they bought presents. They brought pyrrite, a renuzit air freshener, and a bottle of fabreeze. Those guys are nice.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

More of the neighborhood


This is my neighborhood beach. Very pretty. I just hope my parents don't try some new age stuff on me like trying to teach me to swim straight from the womb.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Warmth


I really, really like being on an island. At least, I think I do. If I lived on the mainland, it would be a very cold ride home from the hospital in February.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

My Fish Tank. Or, the surf for my surf and turf platter

This is my Mom in my room with my fish tank. I guess they are planning to grow fish in it to eat? Who Knows!? I do like the sound though, its very soothing. I kicked Mom to let her know I approve.


Saturday, December 1, 2007

Moving Feast!



In what seems to be some sort of misguided stunt to sell more gasoline, our local gas station is giving away a LIVE DEER in a raffle. As a fetus, I don't quite understand the marketing saavy that went into that decision. However, I hope my parents win. I would love my first solid food to be fresh venison. YUMMY!