The Soft

Who says that the old boy network is bad, not me. This is a blanket that Opa got from Theresa, one of his business contacts. I don't know what kind of nefarious business dealings lead to the transaction that ended up with me having this blanket, and whats more, I don't care. I love it. To start, the frogs are wicked cool. And when you add the camo, yeah, I can deal with this. Just look how satisfied I look. I bet you wish you had one.

Sensory Selections

I just got a bouncer funded by Oma and Opa, Thank You. I enjoy it a lot. That is not to say that I don't enjoy the toys given to me by Aunt Susan, Aunt Maggie, and Aunt Beth, but this is really the Cadillac of bouncers. Strangely enough, I have found some footage from the Fisher-Price company of their tests of their "super" bouncer. It is a little grainy in places, I think maybe something this good had to be in development for years. Well, anyway, enjoy the footage. But, I warn you, the likeness to somebody familiar is a little eerie:

A day at the beach

The Best Place in the Whole World!

Parents should have realistic expectations.

Yesterday Mom told me, "Karsten, tomorrow I'm bringing you a purple ball." Well, tomorrow came and look what she brought me, it's a purple ball alright, but how am I supposed to play with this thing? For crying out loud, I'm a baby and this thing is huge. I can't wait to see my first toy car, she'll will most likely bring me home an old Volkswagen. Of course. that's not to say my father is the voice of reason, I heard him say to another father two days ago that a rifle is a very appropriate gift for a seven year old. At least I have my loyal readers to help me should things get, well.... any more weird.

The Fish Respond...

I Filet O, and this wife Patty. We no like what little gaijin boy say. He very spoiled. Maybe he like no fish! We work hard, swim all day! But he no notice. Why we want make him happy, he no feed us. We want new owner.

Karten's Note: This Blogging of my pets is getting out of hand! Hailey, I can understand that, at least she lives on land. But those two ungrateful fish, how did they do it?

Oh, Hi there

I know what your thinking, why am I looking at the camera? Well, I am supposed to be looking at the fish tank, but Filet O and Patty just aren't as interesting as they used to be. Maybe I need more fish. Or a turtle, yeah, a turtle would be cool.

Mom tells me a joke.

You know you can't always be serious. I enjoy a good laugh just like anyone. Take for instance this picture, My Mom has just told me I look so cute with my red hair. Yeah, like I have red hair. Next thing she will be telling me is my nose squeaks when squeezed. Red hair, who ever heard of such a silly thing?

OHHH, that dog!

Well, it had to happen. I caught the dog trying to post on MY BLOG! That furry ignoramus had been a pain in my side since my glorious gestation. I keep trying to tell her,"Hailey, you are way down the evolutionary ladder, just give up."To which she responds,"Darwin not know everything." And, she just keeps trying. But, just in case you are interested, here is what she wrote:

My name Hailey. I play. I eat. I love you. I...

It was at this point I cut the canine off. Silly dog. But, I have to admit, that dog does have some extraordinary fine motor control to type without fingers.

First On Google

As of today, I am the first result if you type Karsten Uhl into the Google web browser. I am numero uno! What does this mean? If you don't know, let me start by saying welcome to the new millennium, it's not so bad, Bill Clinton is gone, but at least we are still at peace with a booming economy, just don't read any newspapers, o.k. But, to answer the question, it means I am somebody! I am written about enough to come up first on Google over Karsten Uhl's who have really had very successful lives. I guess if there is one lesson to be taken away from this it's this; why bother working hard and contributing to society when you can just write a whole bunch of fluff about yourself and put yourself on the top of the only meter of success that really matters these days, your ranking on Google.

Ready for the Agoge

In a future world, direly thirsty for oil, the nations of the world will be in constant turmoil. In this world, young men and women must be trained to endure the most vial of conditions and treatment to ensure that citizens at home can still afford to fuel their SUV's at reasonable prices. Knowing this, my parents and I have started a rigorous program to ensure that I am prepared to take my place and survive the future that surely awaits my generation. Captured for the first time on video is one of the many of our training methods that will toughen my body and harden my soul. But, my gentle readers, do not worry. As you will see, I hold up very well under this abuse and barely crack a smile the whole time. So without further ado, the Tickle Torture:

No Movies, WHAT?

This is how I looked upon hearing of the closing of the Saipan Megaplex. I guess it could be described as a mix of shock and confusion. Shock that I would never see a movie there, and confusion because my parents have never taken me to see a movie there. Now, I know that spring is a slow time for Hollywood, but was there nothing my parents could have taken me to see? I was cheated out of my Saipan movie going experience. Yet another abysmal failure in my life by my parents. Oh well, I guess they can only get better, right?

My Uncle!

Happy Birthday to My Uncle Dwayne. Since I don't have a picture of him, just make a composite in your mind of these men. My uncle is all of these things and more. He is a:

Pilot Bartender Ballplayer and a Singer!

I stick my tongue out at You

I stick my tongue at You, IF...
1) you never leave comments on my blog.
2) you haven't thought about me lately.
3) you haven't hugged your own kids today.
4) you like Cat Stevens, he makes me cry.
5) you haven't bought your tickets to the
Karsten2008 North America Tour
6) you have milk, you see, this is my milk face.

Bali Hai?

I was thinking. About what, I don't really know. I have so many thoughts in my head these days it just leaves me confused. Why is the sky blue but most ceilings white? Why aren't stuffed animals real animals that have been stuffed? After all, I felt really cheated when I figured that one out. Why is it that Mom always sings to me Bali Hai from South Pacific when we live in the North Pacific? What do you think?

LOST!

I just want to be left alone, sometimes, but as of late it has been a little extreme. My parents are LOST nuts. They have been catching up on the at year lately and I have had to sit and just watch as well. If your wondering why some of my posts are so late, that is why. My parents are using the computer to get their LOST fix, sorry!

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my two month birthday. I will be celebrating by eating, playing and sleeping. I hope that every body has as good of birthday as I am having. I think it is a good idea Mommy wants to celebrate every month. It keeps the focus right on where it should be, me. Can't loose focus now.

20 Hours Of Power

On Saipan, the public utility is so good that it can guarantee 20 solid hours of power to each customer every day. Not bad huh! I bet you wish your utility was that good!
But, unfortunately, my mainlander parents just have it thier heads that power should be something that anybody can get 24 hours a day. Yeah right! Anyway, today they dragged me along on their search for a generator. Now, on Saipan, it is really easy to buy a generator, if you need a large diesel generator. Why every junk store on island seems to carry those. But, if your not trying to power a hotel or strip mall, you choices are rather limited. So, they went to the only store the carries generators for normal people, Ace Hardware. Now, the first mistake they made was looking online first. Dumb! That can only lead to disappointment. And, it did! You see the two generators above you. This is about the size my parents need. The one on the left is from Wal-Mart, the other is from Ace Hardware. Now you may be saying to yourself, Karsten, those are exactly the same. Well, you would be wrong. You see the one on the right must be filled with gold or built by vestal virgins because it costs $1597, while the Wal-Mart version costs $579. Now, I think my parents might actually flip out and buy one of the priestess built generators, so if you know of a bright way to ship heavy things internationally, please let us know. I would like some books when I go to college.

New Name!

I have a new name for my blog. You know, it was a lot easier than I thought it might be, I just changed the name. Why the name change? I'm trying to become a Blog of Note on Blogger! Did you get that you still living with your mommies computer nerds, I want on that list! Now, to explain the name. It is my homage (I know, it's a French word, but I'll have you know I am typing it while eating Freedom Fries) to Jimi Hendrex. So the question is "Are You Experiened?"

Oh My!

-In Massachusetts, it is illegal to wear a goatee in public unless you have paid a special licensing fee.

Personally, I think they should be illegal everywhere. Just look at my father. I don't think anyone has informed him that he is no longer in college? I think tht he might have watched one to many Little House on the Prairies, how about you? I must say, I will never sport a goatee, if it were me, I'd have the full beard.

Baby on Board. Ha Ha Ha!

Baby on Board. Oh isn't that so clever. I bet my Midwestern parents just couldn't resist the oh so flaccid wordplay that makes this shirt seem so cute to some. Well, I'll have you know that I would have never picked this article of clothing to wear. Look at me, I'm ridiculous. How about a shirt and some pants? Yeah right, my parents are so lackadaisical I'm lucky to even be wearing a diaper. Can somebody help me? I want to be put in proper clothing! I have them, a whole closet full, why am I never wearing them. Geez! BTW, I know they have NEVER been to Hawaii!

I think I found it!

My parents don't know this, but I like to hide things on them. But my favorite thing to hide is my binky. I love to hide that thing in the most unusual places, and then let out the most shrieking cries I can muster up. Now, please don't tell them, because when they go away I laugh and laugh and laugh, and then I hide it again. So please, do not spoil it.

Ms. Edita

According the popular culture, in order for me to have an interesting childhood, I need an male nanny like the above examples. But, I have Edita. Now, she is a very nice, but she is no manly man like Mr Belvedere or Mr. French. But she sings to me and cleans me up all the time. She is my favorite person in the whole world weekdays from 7 am til 3:30 pm. I love her.

NVC

According to wikipedia.com (the godsend of students everywhere), Non-Verbal Communication (NVC) is usually understood as the process of communication through sending and receiving wordless messages. Such messages can be communicated through gestures; body gestures or posture; facial expression and eye contact. I use NVC a lot, as my vocal cords have not yet matured to a point with which I can express myself verbally. I had my father record two NVC's for you to view. Watch these video clips and see if you can tell what I am trying to comminucate. The answers are in the comments section.

Mommy's Corner

As I don't have my own blog, I had to use Karsten's to tell you about a great restaurant we went to last night. It's called 360. It is on top of the Marianas Business Plaza in Susupe, Saipan. You might have guessed this already, but it is a revolving restaurant. The building itself was built over 30 years ago by Japanese investors. Now, you might be wondering, why is it you have just been there. Well, until recently, it was closed. The restaurant (the top of the building) had been closed since 1989. There are lots of interesting things about it such as the seating revolves every 57 minutes (It was originally designed for 60, but after 30 years the spin is a little off). Speaking of which, as a nod to the prowess of Japanese engineering, after sitting for 19 years, all they had to do is flip a switch and it started revolving again. Oh, by the way, the food is also very good.

I can walk, I said!

Saipan's fine, sunshine most of the time
The feeling is laid back
Palm trees grow and the rents are low
But you know I keep thinking about
My parents making their way back

Well, my Dad is Iowa born and raised,
But nowadays, he's lost between two worlds
Saipan's fine, but it ain't home
Iowa's home but it ain't his no more

I can walk, I said
To no one there
And no one saw at all
Not even the dog
I can walk, I cried
I can walk, said I
And I am mobile, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me awesome still

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king
And then became one
Well, except for the names and a few other changes
If you talk about me, the story's the same one

But I got an dootie in my drawers
And I've tried but they won't let me go
And I'm not a baby who likes to swear
But I've always loved the idea of being mobile

I can walk, I said
To no one there
And no one saw at all
Not even the dog
I can walk, I cried
I can walk, said I
And I am mobile, and I can't even say why

I can walk, I said
I can walk, I cried
I can...

Imaginary Friends

For those of you who have had your inner child tied to a chair in a dark corner of your mind for a couple of decades, this is a scene from cartoon networks show, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. In this cartoon Madame Foster takes in all of the imaginary friends after kids have gotten to old for them. How Sad! I don't even have an imaginary friend yet and I already miss it. I will never get that old. Did you ever have an imaginary friend? Please post and comment.

Home, where's that? I thought that was Saipan!

I finally got my passport today. I'm leaving for the mainland June 5th, so warm up the cameras, the cuteness is going on tour. I also got my plane ticker today. Funny, infant tickets are only issued as paper tickets. Oh well, when you fly half way around the world for under $40, I guess a little inconvenience can only be expected. If you want to see proof of my trip, just watch my video

Hiding in the toys

Steven Spielberg may get me for this, but can
don't I look so cute amongst my toys, Aila E.T.
I can't believe it, but I am cuter than the character that lit up 1982 with his heart light. I think if Neil Diamond saw this picture he would sing about me. Thanks to everybody who contributed to this picture. Toys do indeed make me happy.

Goodbye!

Sorry, this will be the last entry in my blog. I am retiring my keyboard and seeking greener pastures of cooing and laughing. It has been a good run but I am just out of things to say! So, to all my readers, Good Night and Good Luck!