Random thoughts from my Dad

It is said that fathers impart knowledge to their sons. It that is the case I am out o' luck. Here are some of the random thoughts that my father has decided to give me in the womb:

1) Cheeze Whiz is not really cheese, it is much better. and spreadable

2) If you throw a coconut at a dog, you had better be prepared to buy a new dog.

3) Walt Disney is alive and waiting to start his Aryan Revolution, but Elvis is dead.

4) When your mother asks if she looks really pregnant, the answer is no.

5) You can't dig a hole to China, but you will occasionally find a water main.

6) Never date a woman who has a collection of unicorns

7) If you leave a glass of milk out, find it first and blame the smell on the dog.

8) You cannot substitute cream cheese for sour cream, ever, in anything.

9) Sand on the beach, good. Sand in the pants, Bad

10) Just remember kid, you can't get pearls of wisdom like this out of books.

God help me!